“It will change your life.”

“You don’t even know what love is yet…”

We have all heard these statements regarding becoming a parent and having kids. There are countless examples of these generalizations—but are they true? They must have some kind of value, because people have been repeating them forever.

For me personally, both of the above are general enough to be considered true.

Cliches aside, I have learned a lot of important lessons after becoming a dad in August of 2019. Powerful lessons and insights on life are available for us if we are present in our daily lives—this is especially true for parents.

My first lesson is that we have the opportunity to learn and grow each day as our children do.

I started out not being the greatest dad. So does every dad. But the best ones learn and grow each day just like their kids. That is what I think gets overlooked a lot…we have to grow up into the ideal parent just as we watch our young ones grow through their life stages.

This is an obvious one—but just having it as a front and center reminder that I should be actively becoming a better parent is powerful. This will take work, but with deliberate intention and focus we can all be great parents.

Even for anyone who is not a parent—focusing on daily growth and learning is one of the best uses of time we could invest.

My second lesson I learned is that I have tendencies towards a very selfish orientation—and before I was a dad, I had little concept of the depth of sacrifice a parent is capable of.

This is something I am still working on, and very much links with the first lesson I mentioned. I work to consciously grow unselfish, but the act of parenthood makes it a real need.

My son depends on me, I have to put him and our family’s wellbeing above even my own now. I have a group of people that I need to consider before I make decisions, and use resources. I cannot justify selfish behavior the way I once could when I did not have people depending on my abilities and judgement.

That means “sacrificing” things that I could have previously spent money, or time on. But, those are not the real sacrifices I learned about through becoming a dad.

No, I learned all about the type of sacrifice that parents seem instinctively capable of once they have kids. The willingness to sacrifice anything including my body or life for the wellbeing of my son and family.

I did not know that I would feel the real depth of what I was willing to give—everything. Through that I have a greater understanding of the word sacrifice.

My third lesson is the changing dynamic of time with children.

As I began to learn the value of long term planning, I always struggled to envision spans of time very well. This changed when I became a dad because now I can think and feel in spans of time that we all share.

“In 5 years…” means something different to me now. Before when I would imagine the spans of time like those it was always hugely abstract. I overestimated what I could do in shorter amounts of time and underestimated what I could do in longer amounts of consistent investment.

Now my family is a consistent investment and the spans of time ahead are not abstract. They are benchmarks along the path to the beautiful future we are working to build for ourselves.

…

As I write about what I have learned in my first year—I am excited to learn more and reflect each year as we grow together.

I realize the vast majority of my life experience before becoming a dad was about my needs, and now the rest of my life is not, it is about something bigger.

The rest of the time I have left is the most important time I have to spend.

That’s what I have learned so far.